Corporate Dictionary

Words that will help you write a killer office mail or give a superb presentation

Kindly
When the steam puffing out of your nose, but you still want to look polite. Ideal word you should use in place of a swear word like son of a bitch , bugger, motherfucker etc. The only word that could have a begging, authoritative or even patronising intonation
Kindly do so and so activity

Understanding
I hope you understood this, you dumbfuck. Or maybe to just show off that the mail could be understood by an plebian and the regret one must feel if the person didn’t.
Thanks for your understanding

Support
This is the most common word used to imply to someone that their boss will be informed about your non cooperation if the task is not done.
Expecting your support to finish so and so activity

Escalation
Picking up from the previous definition, escalation is the corporate version of complaining to class teacher for small issues in primary school. If you think people grow mature after 18 think again
So and so activity is not happening, we need to escalate

War- Footing
This is one of my favorites. When you are about to get a promotion and you just need to close that little doubt, you should just mention somewhere that you will be doing some task on war footing. It sounds so combative, brave and shows your commitment to the organisation
This plan has been made ona war footing

Alignment
This is a lovely word. Even astrologers use this to predict events. In a similar way, corporate world predicts when things will happen after deliberations which are intense and often finish before somebody grabs another person’s collar
Please align with so and so team to finsih so and so activity

Timeline
To make sure that delays in projects can be updated on a regular basis a timeline is of paramount importance
As per agreed timeline this was  supposed to happen but..

Bonus words :

Review meeting

This is an event where people tell each other about things they already know just to sit in an AC room where they can decide the temperature of the room and drink packaged drinking water at the company’s expense.

MOM (Minutes of the Meeting)
Anything you say in meetings has to be vague enough and have enough ifs and buts so that you beat around the bush, push the ball in another guys court , take credit or collectivise a failure in an opportunistic manner

FYIP (For Your Info Please)
For your info would have been enough , but please is added to make sure that arrogance factor is disguised to the outside word. Basically it is a IDGAF.

One response to “Corporate Dictionary”

  1. Loved your post! So true in all aspects and I use most of them myself. One word which irritates me the most is FYKI – For Your Kind Information and I always read (and assume) it as what-you-know 😀

    Like

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